How to become whole again

(a story about soul amputation)

“Every time we lose a part of ourselves,
we get to know ourselves a bit better”

Beautiful stupid humans.
We want happiness so badly, but we are daily busy blocking our bliss.
We are true masters in it.

Take soul amputation. A great bliss blocker.

Because it stands between us and our happiness, I think it’s crucial to know the exact workings of soul amputation. So it’s my honor today to teach you one of the most effective ways to amputate your soul:

Let me recap the steps:

  1. Fall in love with something or someone
  2. Feel awesome like hell
  3. Make part of that awesome feeling sticky
  4. Stick that part on the thing/ person you love
  5. Wait till the thing/person disappears from your life
  6. Feel how your energy slowly gets drained

“To be truly happy, you only need to know
what is standing between you and your happiness”

How soul amputation works

With soul amputation you attach your soul to something outside of yourself.

Somehow, you convince yourself that part of your joy and bliss is dependent on your lover, dream job or cat.

This is complete nonsense of course.
Your bliss is only dependent on you.

It’s all an illusion (as usual)

But you know how we humans are. We can convince ourselves of anything, and with these convictions we create the worlds we live in.

That’s how we create the illusion that soul amputation is possible.


The Personal Painful Example

Falling in love

I definitely know how to amputate a soul. I found out the hard way what happens when you project your dreams and happiness onto another being.

This is what happened.

I go skiing in France.

Upon arriving, the owner of the chalet says hello and looks at me. For the first time in my life, I feel like I am being fully seen, like being put in the most loving X-ray machine ever.

I fall in love with him. And after having had four serious relationships I know it:


Every little detail is the proof of him being IT.

My birth poem is hanging on his wall. He is all the combinations I thought never would go together: super intelligent, witty, a designer, emotionally evolved, successful international business consultant, writer of spiritual books…

Together, we walk through the charming French village and he points to a small school: “Perfect for our kids”, he says.

The five days we spend together are magical.

Old emotional wounds get healed in each other’s presence, we laugh our asses of at the ski slopes, and we travel to other universes in each other’s arms.

And then it all crumbles apart

But then I have to leave. I go to the United States for 3 months.

At one point I am Skyping with my lover.
I still remember the moment very vividly.
I am sitting in a Hawaiian cafe, surfing on the high waves of inspiration that roll through my being.

And he breaks up.

The whys and hows don’t really matter here.
I am dazed.
And flabbergasted.

I empty the vodka on the rocks I am drinking, and walk in a hardware store. It is evening, and the store is deserted. The rows and rows of tools and the neon light are strangely comforting.

I buy a hat.


The sorrow doesn’t have much grip on me, initially. There are way too many great things happening during my travels. It seems like there is no other option then just have an amazing time.

In a way, I kind of ‘forget’ about the whole breaking up thing.

Walking through a fog

Fast forward, three months later.
I’m sitting in the sun on an Amsterdam terrace.

I feel empty.
I’m jealous on all the overly hip people in Amsterdam.
I don’t know what’s happening.

This is not me, right?

For months, I’m walking through a fog. I’m watching ‘Say yes to the dress’ and ‘Toddlers & tiaras’. I’m barely managing to get myself dressed for the day.


What actually happened: the soul amputation

I amputated my soul without being aware of it.

Upon meeting my lover, I felt like walking in the garden of Eden. Unconsciously, my mind attributed part of my blissful state to my lover.

Our poor Western minds.
Way too much trained in the paradigm of cause and effect.

When I FIRST meet this beautiful being, and THEN feel hyper joyful and inspired, there must be a causal effect… right?

N O P E .

Ok, fair enough.
He did remind me of my inner garden of Eden. But I caused it to be there, because I’m the only causer there is.

When he broke up, deep down and hidden I had the believe that part of my bliss was gone. Consequently, I said goodbye to part of my soul.

And yes, the story has a happy ending

Six months later, we had a Skype session again.
All the time in between, we didn’t speak with each other.

It was a very good conversation.
Again, I could feel my love for him.
After we hung up, I cried for 30 minutes straight.

It literally felt like part of my soul was given back.

I felt immensely grateful.
My tears felt like the best car wash ever.

Of course, he didn’t give back anything to me. When speaking to him, all of a sudden I realised what I had been doing to myself.  How I had been giving away part of myself.

And at that very moment, I got the full download for this post :).

PS the breaking up was in no way the single trigger that made me spiralling into a depression. But it definitely had it’s contribution. 

How to detect an amputated soul

The soul to me is a beautiful light bomb.
It’s unobstructed bliss pouring into everything.

When people are fully in contact with their soul, you can see that vibe emanating from every cell of their being. They’re just happy all over.


That’s why we have the ‘god-given’ gift of obstruction, problems, and all kinds of other shitty things. It makes us painfully and acutely aware of the places where we obstruct our joy and happiness. How would we otherwise know we are ‘off’?

Soul amputation is such a happiness obstruction.

But why wait till you are obstructed?

I decided to not only ring the tingling alarm bell when I’m getting down, but also when I feel immensely joyful. When happiness enters my system full force, I apply the stickiness test.

1. First, I investigate if I attribute (part of) my happiness to an external cause. This can be anything: my dog, lover, house, business, body, kids… If no, great! If yes, I go to step 2.

2. Then, I do the fear scan. Somewhere in my being, can I find a fear of the person, animal of job not being in my life? How would it feel if these ‘happiness triggers’ were not in my life? How big is that fear? The more fear, the more stickiness.

3. Finally, I ask myself the question: what part of myself does the happiness trigger remind me of?

Just the awareness alone is enough to loosen up the stickiness, and re-own most of your bliss again.

And yes yes, of course it can happen that you miss out on the fact that you project your happiness on something outside of you. No problemo. Just wait till you feel that your energy gets drained, and let your second stand-by alarm bell ring.

If you feel like flushing yourself through the toilet, go back in time to hunt up the last blissful experience you had. Then, do the stickiness test in retro perspective. Find out if you left part of your soul somewhere else. So please:





PS I am sincerely interested in your experience.

Do you recognize the notion of soul amputation?
Do you have a personal example of soul amputation? Where/what did you project your happiness on? Any other comments, questions?

You can use the comment field down here.